(Me with Joe Silva at King Tuts, Glasgow November 2012)
(Joe with Koda the Wolf who appears in his latest video)
Joe Shared this story as part of the posting of his latest video:
WHEN DADDY LEAVES HOME...
I was a
7-year-old boy, taking my evening bath when my Dad came into the
bathroom to tell me he was leaving home. After witnessing my parent's
quarrels over the years, it didn't come as a complete shock, yet I recall
feeling devastated that my own father was actually leaving his family. A
sinking sadness washed over me as I heard the crying of my mother and
four sisters seep into the bathroom from the bedroom down the hall that
my parents once shared. I got my pajamas on and joined them on the bed.
As my Mom shouted out "Listen to your crying children!", and the sound
of the closing door exponentially evoked more tears, I promised myself
that if I ever had kids, leaving home would never be an option.
Although every divorce situation has its own unique set of stories, one theme that remains constant is the feeling of abandonment, confusion, and loss that a child faces in the wake of parents divorcing. I remember some very awkward and uncomfortable moments where I uncharacteristically lied in effort to pad the feelings of one parent or another. There was the first Christmas morning after the divorce, when Dad came to pick up my sisters and me for a few hours. When I got to his car he handed me a fruit basket, requesting that I give it to my mother. I brought it inside where my Mom insisted that I return it to him, and to tell him that he could keep his damned fruit basket. Instead of doing that, I left it in the garage and told him that Mom said "Thanks, and Merry Christmas"... There was another time when my mother finally began dating, and when the man who eventually became my step-father was visiting, my father showed up unexpectedly. I walked up to his car and he asked if I wanted to go out for ice-cream. When I got into his car, he asked who's vehicle was parked at the house. I lied again and told him it was Mom's girlfriend from work. He got out of the car and entered our house. I heard muffled shouting before Dad returned to the car. He said nothing, as my own silence swirled around in my head while I tried to figure out where my eyes should look while the atmosphere in the car became vacuum-like.
Thankfully, the relationship with my father developed into a loving one throughout the years, and I eventually was blessed with two fantastic children of my own. From the moment that they breathed their first breaths, I experienced the deepest love I've ever felt, which grew deeper with each passing year via 1st foot-steps and words, bonding moments on ball-fields, healing kisses on 'Boo-Boos', and child-to-parent questions during tuck-in bed-times. Unfortunately, the relationship between my wife and I did not follow the same trend and was in decline. I eventually realized that I needed to do the very thing that I most strongly pledged I would never do - Leave Home.
Even as divorce papers were served, I stayed in the house as long as I could to be with my kids. The inevitable dark day that I needed to leave home was the worst day of my life, as my kids locked themselves onto my legs so I wouldn't be able to walk away to my car. I saw my own 7-year-old face in the tears on my young son, while both he and my daughter screamed "Daddy - NO - Don't Go Daddy!!" over and over and over again... I pulled out of the driveway that night the same way that I would every single week for a year that followed each time I dropped the kids off from a visit with me - crying my eyes out while my children did the same as they pressed themselves against their mother's window and waved good-bye...
Divorce is never a good thing, but I do hope that everyone who needs to go through that process keeps the best interest of all involved children at the forefront of each decision, conversation, and action. I am fortunate to be able to say that my kids and I have extremely close relationships with each other. Whenever we are together, they treat me like it's Father's Day every day...
'DIDN'T MEAN LIKE THIS' is a song that I wrote of the pain that a father feels when leaving home... at least this Dad. The recording was Produced by the 'Late Show w/ David Letterman' drummer, Anton Fig. PLEASE SHARE with every person you know that is going through a divorce, or has in the past. They will know that they are not alone...
Although every divorce situation has its own unique set of stories, one theme that remains constant is the feeling of abandonment, confusion, and loss that a child faces in the wake of parents divorcing. I remember some very awkward and uncomfortable moments where I uncharacteristically lied in effort to pad the feelings of one parent or another. There was the first Christmas morning after the divorce, when Dad came to pick up my sisters and me for a few hours. When I got to his car he handed me a fruit basket, requesting that I give it to my mother. I brought it inside where my Mom insisted that I return it to him, and to tell him that he could keep his damned fruit basket. Instead of doing that, I left it in the garage and told him that Mom said "Thanks, and Merry Christmas"... There was another time when my mother finally began dating, and when the man who eventually became my step-father was visiting, my father showed up unexpectedly. I walked up to his car and he asked if I wanted to go out for ice-cream. When I got into his car, he asked who's vehicle was parked at the house. I lied again and told him it was Mom's girlfriend from work. He got out of the car and entered our house. I heard muffled shouting before Dad returned to the car. He said nothing, as my own silence swirled around in my head while I tried to figure out where my eyes should look while the atmosphere in the car became vacuum-like.
Thankfully, the relationship with my father developed into a loving one throughout the years, and I eventually was blessed with two fantastic children of my own. From the moment that they breathed their first breaths, I experienced the deepest love I've ever felt, which grew deeper with each passing year via 1st foot-steps and words, bonding moments on ball-fields, healing kisses on 'Boo-Boos', and child-to-parent questions during tuck-in bed-times. Unfortunately, the relationship between my wife and I did not follow the same trend and was in decline. I eventually realized that I needed to do the very thing that I most strongly pledged I would never do - Leave Home.
Even as divorce papers were served, I stayed in the house as long as I could to be with my kids. The inevitable dark day that I needed to leave home was the worst day of my life, as my kids locked themselves onto my legs so I wouldn't be able to walk away to my car. I saw my own 7-year-old face in the tears on my young son, while both he and my daughter screamed "Daddy - NO - Don't Go Daddy!!" over and over and over again... I pulled out of the driveway that night the same way that I would every single week for a year that followed each time I dropped the kids off from a visit with me - crying my eyes out while my children did the same as they pressed themselves against their mother's window and waved good-bye...
Divorce is never a good thing, but I do hope that everyone who needs to go through that process keeps the best interest of all involved children at the forefront of each decision, conversation, and action. I am fortunate to be able to say that my kids and I have extremely close relationships with each other. Whenever we are together, they treat me like it's Father's Day every day...
'DIDN'T MEAN LIKE THIS' is a song that I wrote of the pain that a father feels when leaving home... at least this Dad. The recording was Produced by the 'Late Show w/ David Letterman' drummer, Anton Fig. PLEASE SHARE with every person you know that is going through a divorce, or has in the past. They will know that they are not alone...
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